Don't Mess

Don’t Mess with Texas
My in-laws live in Texas, San Antonio. I love me some Texas…except there’s one thing you don’t do when in you’re in Texas. Just “Don’t mess with Texas.” I wasn’t planning on it. Not a goal of mine to enter Texas, drop my pants and take a steamy poo on the Welcome to Texas state sign. For that matter, Don’t mess with New Jersey either. If you’re going to mess with a state, pick Rhode Island or Delaware so when you do mess it’s a small mess, not a big messy mess. By the time you’ve messed with Rhode Island you could easily sneak across state lines to Connecticut or Massachusetts. By the time they’ve noticed you messed with Delaware, you’re chillin in Maryland sucking on some tasty blue crabs.
You could choose to mess with North Dakota, but no one would notice; you’re missing the thrill of the kill here, it would be over before it started. Now messing with California or Florida or New York is simply suicide. Too much of everything in those states—stick to the inner Mid-West or states that specialized in hydroponic high grade marijuana and rich creamy ice cream, like Vermont.
But why mess at all? States that need the most messing with, are already MESSED UP! Mississippi, Alabama, Louisiana, Arkansas, Arizona, West Virginia, Utah, and South Carolina. If it is your goal in life to mess with a U.S. state, start With the Midwest and escape down the Mississippi River Tom Sawyer style.